Sunday, May 1, 2011

Heaven is for Real

Two days after I miscarried our sweet David, I was in the backyard at my Mom's house when her neighbor approached her. My parents are still the old fashioned sort who don't like the idea of having a big wooden fence to secure privacy and keep the neighbors from gossiping. Now part of this is due to the fact that their backyard sloped down fairly dramatically and even if they put in a big fence, it would be impossibly for the neighbors to "not see". They still have their chained link fence, and its rather nice especially when your neighbors are so friendly. So anyway, he walked over and did the old fashioned "lean on the fence". He inquired on how I was doing, and not really ready to spill details out, I told him I was doing well and grateful to not be in any pain. He then proceeded to tell me about this book that his wife bought 10 copies of. I'm not one to jump onto people's suggestions- especially when it comes to grief. I am usually skeptical and a little rigged. But as he began to share a bit about the book, I knew I needed to read it.

Several days later, I had two more people tell me that I should read it. I was thoroughly convinced that I had to do it. Well my Mom ended up buying the book for herself because she felt compelled to read it. Fast forward to almost 3 weeks later, and she hands it over to me. By this time I wasn't really all that interested. I was caught up into getting my house ready for sell, and was honestly afraid the book my disappoint me. I was wrong.

This past week ended up being quite the emotional roller coaster for me. I spent nearly the whole week in a roller coaster of emotions- feeling I was ready to embrace life, and then feeling like the sorrow would never end. The twenty-eighth of March was the my original due date of the first baby I lost (Isaac). It had nearly been a month now that I had lost David, and I was just a wreck most of the time. On Friday, I received a box in the mail from this incredibly lady that has never met me. She has an amazing ministry called: Hopeful Hearts. She makes memory boxes for Mom's who have miscarried children.

I knew the moment that the box arrived that it was going to be a yet another step toward healing. I completely lost it when I opened it, and I allowed myself to shut down and grieve. I knew I needed it. I felt derailed though, and I had no motivation. The wind was knocked out of me. Reality was slowly settling in that my baby had died. I felt such a connection to him, and yet such a disconnection.

Later on that evening, I was having some health issues, and instead of helping my husband pack, I ended up laying in our bed and picked up the book my Mom gave me- not knowing what would happen. Heaven is for real is a true story about a young four year old that goes to Heaven. Now, I have read several books like this, but this one was different. There is such a blatant honesty that his father graciously gives about his struggle with God. There's no sugar coating, and this man is a Pastor! It rocked my world. But then I came to the part where his sons tells his Mom- "I have two sisters". His Mom tells him "no, you only have one sister". He responds with, "No, I have two sisters. I met her in heaven. She died in your tummy". By the time I made it to the end of the page, I was sobbing uncontrollably. Something came pouring out of the depth of me, and I felt like I had been handed a gift. As a Christian, you want to believe that the children that you have "lost" are now in Heaven with Jesus, but the Bible isn't clear on that subject. Here's this 4 year old boy sharing how he met his sister- never knowing that his Mom ever miscarried. It blew me away and gave me so much hope.

Heaven is for real.

I don't know why we think that there is still a veil between us and Jesus. The veil has been torn in two. Nothing can separate us from Him. This book not only gave me hope, but a hunger for Heaven.

So, here's what I'd like to do. I'd like to give away a few copies of this book for no other reason than bringing that same hope and hunger into your life. This is not a way for me to promote my blog- in fact I hardly write on this thing. Its simply this: I have been incredibly moved, and I'd like to see you moved too.

So, share this with your friends especially those who have experienced a loss like mine. If you think it would help, you can also share my story "Love Never Fails" with them as well. I'm not sure how many of these I'm going to give away, but be sure to leave a comment and let me know how you shared it- email, facebook, blog, twitter do any of it.

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