I haven't always been patient throughout my life. As I said in the beginning, I am an "all or nothing" person. Having that quality, doesn't always afford much patience. I'm always looking ahead, and I like to know what's coming. Waiting is painful especially when you don't know the outcome. It seems that this year has been about waiting.
I've learned more on how to trust the Lord and not step into worry or anxiety like never before, but I still don't think I've fully gotten it. Before I met Ryan, it seemed like I would never get married. I was only 19, but inside I felt like I had been waiting decades. I don't like waiting. Did I mention that?
Here I am though, I've been waiting for 4 years to buy a house that I would truly love. A few months ago, we felt like the Lord spoke to us and said it was time to sell our house. Of course, I was thrilled, and Ryan was on board (even better). SO, we put our house up for sale.
And we're waiting.
We've felt like the Lord has said to pack our bags, and so we're packing our house up.
And we're waiting.
Today, we found a house that we are both absolutely in love with. Not a house that will just "work", or we can make "work", or needs tons of "work", no the perfect house to suit our needs and desires.
And the waiting becomes accelerated.
I've found myself wanting to frantically start praying, and cleaning, and packing, and moving, and...and...I can't do that. Do I really trust him? He said. He said. It's tricky business, trusting with absolutely no tinge of anxiety or fear. It's impossible to completely trust someone if you still have fear lurking in the corner. It's plain and simple: you are not really trusting.
Years ago, when I was little, my parents heard about this gorgeous place in New Mexico, where you could rent a cabin in the mountains. By this time, I was about 5, and my oldest brother was about 13, so my parents were looking for something more adventurous than just camping. We fell in love- ALL of us! We went fishing, and horseback riding (in the mountains!), shopped in a town just a little over a mile long, and enjoyed the beauty of the mountains. We were sold. They became our mountains. Almost immediately, my parents began to search for a Cabin to call our "home away from home".
It wasn't until I was about 22 years old, that they finally fulfilled that dream. The part of this story that I love is that the Cabin that they now own, they actually viewed years ago. If they had bought the Cabin then, they would have had to do an enormous amount of work to get it to where it is today. They're cabin is over 100 years old, and unfortunately it sat for years. Animals had completely infested it, and the logs were wearing out. A couple ended up buying it (because my parents didn't) and they put an enormous amount of work into it. They got rid of most of the critters, and redid all the chinking (hard work). The next couple added several upgrades to the actual look of the home, and almost completely left all the furnishings for it! yeah, wow.
"I am going to prepare a place for you". -John 14:2
I've always thought of that scripture only referring to our place in heaven. And yet, Jesus instructed us to pray for "His Kingdom to come, and His Will to be done on EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN. I'm believing that He has, and is preparing a place for us. I'm learning to trust, and yes learning to wait because I know that He wants the best for us.